A one sided effort

Ever been in an interaction with another human where it feels like you’re the only one making an effort? Doesn’t have to be a romantic relationship… I mean literally any relationship.

Ok honestly of course you have, everyone has… though either you’re the do-er or the non-do-er.

Basically, it sucks. That feeling, where you feel like you’re always the one making an effort, initiating things, and the other person just goes along with it for the sake of doing so, but never initiated themselves. It makes you wonder what would happen if you stopped. Would they notice and start initiating? Or would any bit of interaction between you two just cease to exist?

For me, pretty much every time I’ve tested this out, I’ve noticed that interactions completely ceased to exist. It made me realize that I don’t mean as much, or that specific action with a given person meant much more to me than it did to him or her. Be it family. Be it friends. Be it relationships. Be it acquaintances.

I guess it is what it is but it isn’t a good feeling. It’s a worse feeling when you give up and decide to then have that interaction with someone else… only to end up as the “bad guy” for finding an alternative.

True Friends ❤️ and onions 🧅

The Friendships we have in our lives are like an onion. Which layer someone exists in is of course determined by their importance to you, but more so your importance to them.

The past few days I’ve especially been noticing, who I prioritize… and who prioritizes me. I’ve also noticed that the key element in whether a person is an “inner core” or not is also determined by their friendship work ethic.

What’s that? Well how one functions in their day to day relationships really… I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way… but I think there’s a “my way” and a “not my way” for all of us. The people whose ways mimic “my way” are inner core, while the people whose don’t are slightly further out. They’re still good friends… but maybe sit on the second or third layer rather than smack dab in the middle.

I think we are closest to the people who interact with their world similar to how we interact with ours. I realize, we might call some subset of people our best friends because of one reason or another… but sometimes speak to someone completely out of that circle more intimately. Isn’t that weird?

I think what it really comes down to is reliability transparency, and follow through. If I feel like I can trust someone with my time, and they always follow through by either telling me “yes I can do it”, “honestly no I can’t do it” or “I can’t now but here’s the potential timeline” … those are the people that sit at my core. Also the people who put in as much effort as I do.

From the core we work our way out, best friends who we may not always have time for (or vice versa), good friends who are always there but not someone frequently involved, all the way out to acquaintances. I guess the outer most layer the flakey one is just strangers or people we don’t care about 😅

Either way – friendships and their degree of closeness are like onions. And upon re-evaluation I was surprised to realize that some people hold a lot more importance to me than I realized ❤️

Commemorating the living

It’s a thing we do when someone dies. We’ve all seen it… someone passes away and people have memorials to remember them by.

Or have you ever seen a recently passed’s Facebook page? Hundreds of posts pouring in, memories pouring in, making the deceased sound like he or she was the most incredible and loving person alive. Loved by everyone. Great personality, amazing talents, a spectacular being that everyone was in awe of.

And yet most of us live our lives being insignificant nobodies. Mediocre at best, even on a good day! Most of us just live the daily grind day in and day out till one day we croak.

A lot of us are bullied at some point or another. A lot of us also live this life feeling stressed out, depressed, unimportant, and/or undervalued.

How can that be? How can we all claim to live this seemingly mediocre life if after we die, everyone acts like they loved us as much our parents, partners, and children did?

The other day while reading such comments on a strangers’s Facebook – (God knows how I got there) I had to wonder – what would people write or say about me when I die? And how unfortunate that I couldn’t connect with those people on that level while still alive.

What’s worse is – being dead it wouldn’t matter and I wouldn’t care what people had to say. It wouldn’t make me feel anything. But it would matter so much right now – it would impact how I lived my day to day life. It would be uplifting!

I do genuinely think that when a person feels loved and noticed, he or she does automatically lead his or her life with more positivity.

It is a weird thought, I know. But really… why don’t we spend more time saying nice things about people to their faces while they’re still alive? Maybe not every single day… but maybe put down some raw emotion every once in a while? I guarantee it would have made a difference if the dead knew what people had to say about them when they were still alive.

Just saying!

The confidence of injustice

Disclaimer: While my life is completely on track today I see so many people suffering at the hands of others. And I feel angry about that. I feel angry for others even though their problems aren’t my problems… empathy is it’s own kind of monster… but I thought I’d put a voice behind those thoughts


Dearest person who has wronged me,

I want to ask you from where you derive all of your confidence. You have gone out of your way to hurt another soul. You’ve gone out of your way to cause significant harm, sometimes physically, sometimes emotionally and mentally. You’ve blindsided me, you’ve tricked me with your fraudulent ways. You pretended to love me, to be someone near and dear.

You made me trust you just so that you can go about doing your dirty deeds behind my back. You went about performing injustice after injustice. You have so much bad karma, and yet you are so confident.

You’re so confident that you’re invincible. There are so many gaping holes in your story and yet you tell it without flinching. There is so much evidence against you, and yet… there isn’t a glimmer of fear in your eyes.

From where do you get such confidence to do the things you do to people?

How do you feel no shame?

I’ve been wronged, I’ve been hurt, and yet it’s me who sits here considering the worst case scenarios. All the evidence is on my side and yet I tremble in fear every time a situation arises where I have to deal with you again. What if despite everything, you get away with your behavior – reaping the benefits of selfishly hurting someone else.

Good things are supposed to happen to good people, but from your confidence it seems like you don’t fear karma at all. Good things happen to people who take what they want, regardless of positive or negative effect.

I didn’t fight hard… I did what I could to get away from you as quickly as possible… so you didn’t get the punishments you deserved. Everyone who’s been in my shoes, maybe only 10% have fought for justice.

I didn’t get justice. I didn’t seek it because I don’t have the confidence you do. Most people I know didn’t get justice.

I can’t go back in time and fix what’s passed. But I can try to help others fight for justice. Now, regardless of my own safety, regardless of my own fears, regardless of the PTSD it triggers in me… someone must get justice.

If even one person gets justice – then it’ll feel like so did the rest of us.

But for that we need your confidence. If you can be so confident in being wrong, why can’t we be confident in being right?

So again I ask you, from where do you derive all your confidence?


Those who have faced injustice

Don’t beg for love

I saw this post this morning – and I felt it to the core. Today I want to take a moment to reach out to all those people experiencing heartbreak secondary to a failed relationship. All around me lately I’ve been seeing people from teenagers to married individuals go through this process of breaking. Most of us know from first hand experience – that this process feels like the end of the world… but it’s not.

During this process there is always one phase that occurs without fail… and that’s begging for love. You cry, you fight, you ask your partner to treat you right, or you ask them to spend more time with you, to prioritize you, to not neglect you. You feel pathetic. But yet they still don’t listen. And it hurts. Somehow it’s your fault for asking to be treated right.

You start to question yourself and wonder if you aren’t good enough. If your partner leaves, you question if love is real, and worst of all you question your morals. Some people let their morals go, let them go for a person who didn’t respect them to begin with. For someone who wasn’t worthy to begin with. If you leave your partner because you were being mistreated, your feelings get in the way and you wonder if it was better to be the scum under their shoes as long as they were still with you.

Don’t do that. Because a person who doesn’t know your Worth isn’t worth your efforts, feelings, or tears. They belong in the trash. And in the past. I firmly believe that there is always someone (or maybe many someone’s) out there who would respect you, and your presence in their life. They would notice the things you do for them, and love you for it. They wouldn’t play games with your feelings or be utterly inconsiderate towards them.

I speak from experience. And let’s be honest… I think most of us have “been there, done that”. In hindsight it feels silly to have given someone so much importance when they just didn’t care.

Truth is when I met Sagar… we had both been through our respective share of hurt emotions… only to realize that no one else ever really mattered in life but us. He fulfilled my prayers (what my soul needed from a partner) and I fulfilled his.

If you are going through something right now, feel sad, go through the motions – but don’t let yourself go. Don’t question yourself. Most importantly, don’t beg for love. The second you have to do that your partner isn’t worthy of you anymore. You’ll find someone who is worthy of your time, and worthy of your love.

Because in a real relationship – you don’t have to beg for love.