Stress – to take or not to take

I have a type A personality.

I like things to be highly organized and intelligently handled.

I do not like interacting with people who lack common sense intellect.

No you don’t have to be well educated to have common sense. My grandmother only studied till 4th grade and she was the most intelligent person. You just have to know how to think.

Which apparently many people don’t (know how to think).

So here I am just trying to live my life – and frankly everything in my life is sorted! But for the people I love – something or another is always off… and I literally am losing hair over it. Taking their problems into my own hands, fixing them.

All this while I’ve been there for the people closest to me getting things done. And they don’t worry… cause they know I’ll take care of it. What they don’t realize is that in a family where folks have black hair till 75+…. my hair started turning white at 23. My hair started falling out from the stress, and my face shows it. As I get older I realized my body can’t take the constant stress and it’s going to end me the way most type As go

Cardiovascular-ly.

And then I had an epiphany. Like a sense of calmness.

“Who cares?”

No literally… who cares?? All these people I stress out for, they’re adults! I’m not stressed out about anything in my own life. So why am I allowing my physical appearance to degrade for people who are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves??

My goal is for me to survive. If something happens to someone else, it’s a result of their own actions or inability for them to survive. That’s not my problem. I have to detach myself from people’s problems. Yes I am emotionally attached to these people but I have to realize there’s only so much I can do.

And when I decided to stop taking all these burdens on my head it felt weird… but for once my hair follicles felt like they’d allow my hair to stay upon my head.

To stress or not to stress? I think not… cause everything gets resolved eventually… some way or another!

Younger innocent days

Today, browsing through Instagram I saw that one of my now acquaintances recently got married. I haven’t talked to him in maybe… 15+ years and truthfully we were just on smile hi/bye terms throughout the school days.

But why I bring him up is because it triggered a memory from elementary school. The first decade of life… where everything is so innocent. (At least it used to be in the ’90s).

I’d like to share a silly but cute incident with all of you.

Back in the 5th grade, 9 or 10 years old… I had the honor of being appointed the class paper monitor. That meant whenever someone wanted paper they’d have to ask me and I’d go and get it for them. One sheet at a time. One day, this so called now acquaintance… then classmate… mustered up all the courage he could in his little 4’7″ body to ask me for paper… and while I was getting it for him he whispered something to me that caught me completely off guard.

“I have a crush on you” he had said just as the teacher announced it was time for recess.

Of course it was a kiddy crush and meant nothing at that age… but our reactions are what make me laugh.

I pretended like I didn’t hear him… AT ALL while simultaneously turning as red as possible, eyes wide.

He, too scared to reply to my big “HUH?!?!”, turned around and ran as fast as his little legs could carry him… as far away from me as possible (for all of 15 minutes).

And we never spoke of it again.

Makes me laugh because here we are today getting married… and possibly having been through our fair share of real relationships respectively over the past decade. Maturing with each interaction we’ve had with the opposite gender. Learning how to talk to the other gender… learning how to confess our feelings or turn down someone else’s feelings. Gaining confidence, understanding heartbreak, understanding love, bit by bit losing our innocence as the years creeped by.

But in that moment – we were running on zero experience. It’s captured in my mind clearly. Not the literal events but the innocence of the moment. Of a crush that meant nothing but yet had the most childlike of reactions.

That was my first encounter. Do you remember your first kiddy, pre teenage hormones, innocent crush incident?