Mind vs Energy

It’s incredible how ones mental state of mind can severely affect their physical ability to do anything.

It really doesn’t even matter if you got plenty of rest.

The past few weeks I’ve found myself pretty beyond stressed out over one thing or another.

Today I stood up to practice dance – and within 3 seconds I was gasping for breath, exhausted, and sat back down.

A healthy girl who dances on a daily basis should not be this physically drained or feel so mentally aloof.

At first I couldn’t understand why I was so tired taking into consideration the fact that I had probably close to 18 hours of sleep over the past 24 hours lol. You can thank flipping from graveyards for that.

Then I realized I have to work on my mental health every day before I work on my physical activities.

I think we all have to.

Because if we are not feeling well up there, then we are using up ALL the energy we have just to function at a baseline normal.

If I’m using up all my energy just to be normal… where am I going to have energy to do any physical activity?!

The big take away here? You have to be happy and relaxed before you can successfully and efficiently complete whatever tasks have been set in front of you.

Painting our own narratives

The past few days have been eye opening. As the decade came to a close, I realized I had been through so much this decade (for better or for worse) and came out a much stronger person.

I also realized, as I was scrolling through my Facebook memories this morning, that we paint our own narrative. And boy is mine sulky.

Yes there will always be people out there who want to hurt us and they will go out of their ways to make life hell when they can. This is life, nasty people exist. Things out of our control happen. But we have to paint our own narratives by taking control of our own lives.

I spent much of the 2010s allowing myself to blame people for my miserable moments. To be fair, I genuinely tried to be a good friend, partner, family member, but when it was not reciprocated I blamed others for the way I felt.

This morning I realized that blame game needs to stop, because ultimately it’s my own fault. If I took charge of my own life, I wouldn’t allow myself to be in circumstances that made me uncomfortable.

It doesn’t really matter what other people want.

Ultimately this is my life to live and everyone else just goes home and goes to bed. They don’t care if I’m losing sleep over something that they did or said.

So the 2020s – I think will be the decade I stop living for other people, and start living for myself. It’ll be the decade where I figure out who genuinely has my best interests at heart, before committing to having an interaction. It’s the decade where I start being a healthy selfish.

It’s the decade where I stop blaming people for what I allow them to do to me.

We all need to stop blaming people for the things we allow them to do to us. If a situation is negative, step out of it. Nothing is physically preventing us from pursuing our own happiness.

Time to paint a positive narrative. Time to be happy.

Only took 3 decades of developing maturity to figure that one out.

How the 2010s have defined family for me.

I’ve had a lot of time to sit and think about what family means to me. I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again. In the following blog.

My whole life people have talked about blood = family. And I agree, biologically. But family are the people who have your best interests at heart, who love you unconditionally, and prioritize you over themselves. So how can being related by blood be the criteria for defining family? Many times, blood doesn’t even prioritize you over themselves, many times love is conditional – which can be as simple as “If am your sibling or parent, then I have to do xyz things for you”. See how that’s transactional and not from the heart? What if an individual was a horrible sibling or a horrible child? Or even if the individual is an amazing person – if blood “family” just does the “basics” aka food, shelter, education, discipline… that’s no different than what a caretaker would have done anyway.

Family goes one step further. Family has an emotional bond. Family tries to go out of their way to sustain a relationship by emotionally being there for one another, at the expense of their own needs. Family listens. Family understands when someone is looking out for them and is appreciative of it. Even if it doesn’t align with their own desires. Family understands. It doesn’t take long for true family to know a person inside and out. If an individual been alive for 25 years, and despite being blood “family” you’ve decided to create your own impression of that person rather than truly getting to know them – then no you’re not family.

Often times this pseudo “blood family” will try to be controlling, and when an individual tries to find real family – they try to control by saying things like “only we are here for you, all your friends are just outsiders”. When they say these things – they further isolate you emotionally. They’re not there for you, and they don’t allow you to feel comfortable with an “outsider” either. Which by the way is really toxic for emotional health. Feeling alone can lead to depression, suicidal behavior, or anger, frustration, and more aggressive behaviors.

It’s really not fair.

The truth is, sometimes friends are just as much family if not more. In my own life – friends have sacrificed their sleep to be with me during my lows. They sacrificed going to work (when they could) to sit with me, they driven long distances to be there with me. Amongst many things. And I’ve done the same for them. Blood related family may (if you’re lucky) always be there for you – but contrary to common belief, true friends can often match them step for step.

My husband (from since when he was “just” a boyfriend) – he has listened and heard me. He has (time and time again) understood what I needed without needing much help. It only took him less than 2 years to understand what makes me tick, and how to tackle it (albeit the same is true vice versa).

My best friend has cried with, and for me. She has been mad at people despite not even knowing them, because I was mad at them. She has felt my emotions when I was feeling them. This girl has had my back 200% because she understand the definition of loyalty. And honestly I’ve never experienced loyalty like that before. Only given it.

None of these people are blood – but they don’t have to be. They’re bound to me by the heart. So how can anyone say they are lesser family than blood family?

The 2010s have helped me realize this. Blood family is always there for the most part, at least for most people (however, keep in mind when interacting with people, this may not be true for all). But friends, and spouse are equally a part of our hearts. They cannot be excluded. Not all friends of course, but you know when someone has crossed that threshold of just friend vs family.

Cheers to friends, and cheers to my husband for also helping mold me during my 20s. For keeping my emotionally and mentally healthy when things could have easily gone the other way.

You are also, 100% my family. And anyone who says otherwise – is wrong.