Month: April 2018

Poetry

Reflected
——–
“Hello,” I said, “I am me!”
“Yes” she said, “I am too… you see…”
I laughed because that was hard to believe
She looked absolutely nothing like me

“If you were me you’d be standing up, strong!”
“But that is exactly where you are wrong…”
“But your face is all splotchy, wet, eyes red!”
“Well what do you expect when I feel hollow and dead…”

“Then you’re definitely not me, I’m happy and free!”
“Pardon me,” she said “I’m going to disagree…”
“I don’t mean to be rude or mean or blunt…”
“But perhaps your carefreeness is just a front…”

Irritation overcame me, “How dare you!” I cried
My eyes were now fiery – enraged and wide,
“You’re meant to copy me, nothing more!”
“You’re to mimic my actions, down to the core!”

As I stood towering over her I began to yell,
Whether she’d listen or not, I couldn’t yet tell…

“Get off the ground, you get up now!”
“How do I do that?” she begged, “Tell me how…!”
“Wipe those tears and and stand up tall!”
“I won’t tolerate this sitting and curling up into a ball!”

Amidst all the arguing, refusing to accept her as my own…
I suddenly became aware – I was sitting on the ground alone.
——–
Sayli Natu 4/24/18

*inspired by an interesting conversation I had yesterday with an apparently equally philosophical new friend. Does a mirror reflect only whats physical? Or does it in fact reflect what’s on the inside, accurately, though you may not realize it till you look… only noticing any changes when you fail to recognize the person looking back at you?

As I sit here contemplating on my place in my community… my world – I have to say that generally, I’ve tried my best to continue being a good person, and keep spreading love despite all the things that have weighed me down. Pleasantly, over the past few months I’ve noticed something that I failed to see before.

Previously, I kept focusing on one person, and that person’s negative impact on my life. I failed to notice all the wonderful people around me who were making a positive impact. I failed to notice that I had a home in the hearts of so many of the people around me.

Frankly, I don’t know where I will be in a year. But in several discussions I was surprised to see how many people were affected, saddened, or upset at the mention of me hypothetically leaving this home. Many said “don’t even think about it”, one went so far as to slap me on the wrist for “saying absurd things”.

At work, I’ve received hugs from my coworkers, simply cause they hadn’t seen me in a week. I have wonderful techs that leave chocolates or coffee on my desk when I didn’t even ask for them. Apparently the way I treat them was impactful enough that the behavior was reciprocated.

I noticed that people loved me too. Through it all, where I had come to believe that my self confidence had shattered and I was better off in my shell – I had somehow managed to remain someone worthy of being loved by the people around me.

This life has by no means been an easy one. And there was a point where I felt so dejected and horrified by the demons of the world that I just didn’t want to be in the same world where they existed. I didn’t want to breathe the same air. But lately, since I’ve been focusing on all the love that is around me, I realized that  good still exists, love still exists… and this world is totally still worth living in.

The only thing that needed to change was my perspective. I had to change who and what situations I was focusing on. I had to change who and what I gave importance to. And when I did that, I found myself much happier.

Needless to say, existing and spreading love is the only way to be one more person making a difference in the world.

Be good, do good, and see the good returned.✌🏼