“Tu phukat hastes!” (You laugh so easily!) someone I used to know once told me. I didn’t know whether to be offended or not. “No I don’t!” I had exclaimed back but that person wasn’t convinced… and then a few weeks ago my friend who lives in Canada, Saurabh Pendse, told me the exact same thing as we played ping pong in Virtual Reality. I mean really that’s all we were doing, playing table tennis, and yet I too had noticed that the two of us were having fits of giggles here and there. Pretty sure he had started it but of course he had blamed it on me. I’m pretty sure I was only laughing when something funny happened… but then again… I could be wrong, it easily could have actually been me because then I remembered those words from a few years ago… “tu phukat hastes”.
It’s funny because this image that both of these people have of me is so seemingly different than how I thought I saw myself. Brooding perhaps? Internally struggling? I’m that trauma survivor, the “strong” woman who managed to pick herself up but is still afflicted with the PTSD. But you know… come to think of it that comes with a certain type of vibe. I remember the vibe I used to put out when I was going through the so called ‘dark ages’ and it’s nothing like the vibe I feel today which is identical to the vibe I had before.
Perhaps these young men were right. Perhaps I do laugh easily. Perhaps at my core, the essence of Sayli Natu is to be happy. To take enjoyment… pleasure… happiness from the smallest things in life. “Small happinesses” as I call them. To love, to care, to be present in the moment with the friend, family, or acquaintance whose company I’m enjoying at that moment. I’ve noticed even during those so called “dark years” when physically away from what was inflicting my trauma, I was still always smiling and the smile admittedly had come naturally.
So perhaps I do laugh easily. It makes me feel good. Laughing makes everyone feel good… doesn’t it? And I’ve especially noticed that when I start laughing (usually over something others don’t even find funny) – others start laughing too! But just before they do, I always observe their eyes light up in joyful amusement… and then their faces… and then what?
The most beautiful goofy grins spread across their faces before evolving into fits of laughter.
Then… I’m happy. You’re happy. Everyone is happy.
And if that’s the case… then so be it!
Laughter is the best medicine, after all… so we should all engage in it! And we should all engage in it easily ❤