What determines attractiveness

So yesterday a few things happened. Really putting things in perspective.

1.) a random dude I’ve never met before approached me to tell me he thought I was very pretty.

2.) a best friend who has known me for half my life cheered me on and told me “I still had it”

3.) another old friend who had known me since we were basically toddlers, told me I look the exact same as I always have. <– this friend has the biggest perspective.

So anyway in conversation this morning with friend #2 above, the convo went as follows after he told me “I still got it”:

I told him how not even three years ago I was at the lowest point in my life. There was nothing more I wanted to do but disappear from this life. Life had taken me to a point where I felt so incredibly unattractive because of everything that was happening to me, my self confidence was at an all time low. I felt like trash… like no one would ever want me.

To that he responded “and look at where you are now”

But the truth is I am nowhere now… at least nowhere on that scale of attractiveness. Nowhere that I wasn’t already. The up and down had only happened in my own mind. Keep in mind friend #3 with the biggest perspective’s words “You have always looked the EXACT same”. But yet that up and down in my own mind did have a real effect in the real world!

So what would make a person appear so unattractive before but attractive now – shouldn’t degree of attractiveness have stayed constant if there hasn’t actually been any physical change?

Suddenly at 10:44 this morning I realized… all along it wasn’t my physical appearance but the vibe I put out and the way I looked at myself that affected everyone else’s approach towards me.

And I learned a life lesson.

Even when something really bad happens to you don’t let people define how you see yourself. You have to define yourself, and only then can you define how people see you. What defines my degree of attractiveness is how I look at myself. How confident I am in my own self. It has everything to do with the vibe I put out and that vibe depends only on how I feel about myself.

Physical appearance – that’s all subjective and out of our control. But what we think about ourselves and how we carry ourselves… now that’s the true impact.