Missing someone

It’s almost 4am. I should have been asleep hours ago but I can’t get my legs to walk me into the bedroom and sleep.

I keep waiting for you to come home, even though I know you’re on a special vacation. I keep thinking any moment now you’ll walk through the door and we can do our wrap up for the night routine. Talk, watch tv, play a game on our phone together. Give each other massages cause we are getting old and need them.

I know you’re not going to walk through that door but my body refuses to de-condition for just a night or two.

I need sleep so badly. But it’s so hard when I keep missing you. How did I spend 5 years in an empty apartment??

The silence is deafening. I’ve actually never felt this sadness before… which is truly a good thing.

Obviously there’s love in this relationship… but that would be there regardless.

What it actually means is that despite any mistakes you have made in your life… you are still a good man.

I feel what I feel because you’re a good man, and I would say that feeling the way I feel tonight, as sad as I feel… is a blessing.

I am loved and cared for, finally, in the way that I always wished to be. So the lack there of while you’re away…. is what induces this feeling.

For this feeling, as sucky as it is, I actually want to say…. thank you.