Second fiddles and Primary pasts

Two years ago I had written about second fiddles and how no one should be ok with it. I have literally seen so many people accept their place as a second fiddle and I just can’t wrap my head around it.

I also wondered – “do we choose to be in the company of people who treat us like a second fiddle instead of spending time with the people for whom we are a primary?”

See what sucks about growing up is that when we were young, we gave up everything that was genuinely ours… to explore the unknown world. To explore the “greener grasses”. We left our homes, our childhood friends, our families, our relationships to see what else was out there…

… and when we get older we end up having no option but to be a second fiddler. Why? Because everyone’s already done their “primaries” which have etched a memory in their brains and set a bar therefore making it hard to penetrate that barrier and be primary in their minds.

Take for example, when we all started highschool (or college)… everyone was new so it was easy to make new friends and be comfortable – because everyone was growing together. But transferring junior year (like I did in HS) made it SO hard to gel. Everyone already had their cliques and I was so out of place. I missed my old school so much at that point. The few friends I made would never have the place in their hearts for me that my friends at my old school had. Luckily I already had some friends at my new HS before I transferred there so I was somewhat ok.

Or take for example first love. We all have our first hormone inflicted crushes and loves as teenagers. And if that relationship lasts for a while, that “ex” permanently engrains themselves into our minds no matter how big a bitch or asshole he or she may have been. Now some of us are able to put the past in the past… and prioritize every current relationship we are in. But not everyone can. For those who are still stuck on their exes despite being in a wonderful relationship in the present (years after the old one ended) – these are the people who treat their current partners like second fiddles. The poor second fiddler just cannot break that barrier and be of any importance to their significant other.

So what does one do? When they’re in a new place with no friends they can call at the drop of a hat. When they’re at a new job, have a new relationship, transfer midway to a new school…basically find themselves in a position where their previously existing importance has suddenly diminished in the light of a new situation?

What do you do? And the answer is not “learn to accept it”

Because once a winner, always a winner.

And no one has to exist in another’s shadow. Because for there to be a shadow there must be light.

So step into the sunlight… wherever that is.