I’ve been ok… for maybe 2 years now more or less. Everything is good, life is good, job is good, love life is good, hobbies are doing well…
And yet suddenly a wave of anxiety hits me out of the blue. For I guess no reason. I often write to help reduce the anxiety so perhaps that’s why I’m writing now…
As I sit here with my body numb, shallow breaths, racing mind, and an overall sense of being misplaced… I sit and wonder why is it that I feel this when when everything is good?
I think I can narrow it down to my biggest insecurity – feeling alone. Am I alone? Of course not, I have family and friends and a wonderful to be… but yet at moments when the uninvited anxiety hits I can’t help but feel utterly lost and alone.
Perhaps this stems from the fact that I really go out of my way for people, and so I have some unrealistic expectation that I must mean something for them too.
Have you ever had that moment when you give someone your hand, and they repay you by stepping on your back?
Can’t say that it’s necessarily what is happening to me right now… but it’s definitely been the definition of my life.
And somehow I find myself at the bottom of every priority list. Each and every single one… like you’d think there would be at least one person on this planet who could prioritize me but no. Do I feel this way because of my previous trauma? Or are my feelings justified? That’s when the insecurity hits, that’s when the anxiety follows.
Does anyone else suffer from this random insecurity driven anxiety that shows up at your doorstep uninvited? That sudden feeling like you don’t matter enough to anyone?
Why do these feelings come up, especially when everything is fine? Why are they so overwhelming? No matter how strong of a person I think I am I can’t help but drown and suffocate within these waves….
How does one stop it??