Second Fiddle

Given the ups and downs of life… a recent down has left me very broken, feeling alone, and thinking.

Today, (yes at 3am while this mind can’t fall asleep) I want to think briefly about second fiddling.

Second fiddlers are those who are almost the best, but they’re not the best. They are secondary. They are a second choice. A back up plan, in case the first choice doesn’t work out. They’re important, cause they’re the safety net. The “next best thing”. In a profession sure – Second Fiddling is great! But what about in life?

I’m not sure about others, but I don’t believe I was born to second fiddle. So why is it that I often find myself in situations where I am doing precisely that? What is lacking in me that causes me to be a second fiddler? I don’t think I lack the confidence necessary to be primary… so then is second fiddling… my choice? Is it that I choose to engage with people for whom I am secondary instead of focusing on those for whom I am primary?

Perhaps some people are okay with second fiddling in life. But I guess I’m not. It’s suffocating. Call me a diva… but take it or leave it, or better yet, I’ll leave it. And that’s precisely what I’ve done and plan on doing further. Though every time I do so… it takes a piece of my soul with it. I am a stand alone piece, and I do not hide in anyone’s shadows in any way. And if you put me in someone else’s shadow… then I guess I may as well move into the sunlight… elsewhere.