Recently my fiancé auditioned for a role using a piece written by me. Needless to say I was really touched by this and really excited that someone was using something I wrote. So I decided to do some monologue pieces. I mean, Why not? We never know when they’ll come in handy!
That being said I want to really stress that if I write a monologue it’s for artistic purposes. It’s not necessary that it portrays my views – unlike my blog posts which are all 100% my opinions, or my poetry which are all 100% my emotions.
So follows my first monologue : does not express my true views. But a fun piece none the less written by me
©Isabel Castaño. http://www.isabelcastano.com (image credit)
Monologue Series – #1: The Devil and Me
“Do you worship the devil?” She asked me one day
“No” I laughed, “the devil worships me”
She looked at me with a heart full of repulsion, so I asked her to let me explain.
There was a time I followed God. A time before so called blasphemy infiltrated my mind. People say faith keeps them going, I say faith tied me down. It suffocated me. I didn’t breathe till the moment I finally broke free. Every time I did something that didn’t follow my faith, I felt guilty, and that guilt tore me apart. I didn’t like feeling that way every single time I just wanted to pursue my own happiness.
Religion told me I had to marry someone who followed my same faith. And if they didn’t, they had to convert. It just didn’t feel right to make someone pretend to follow my beliefs just so I could be with them. How could I say I loved him if I wanted to change him?? So I left him. I left our love behind… and that’s when I understood heartbreak.
In my school days I remember people of my faith ridiculing others, and their gods, and I thought to myself – as long as everyone is a good human, why does god care so much about what his name is.
As time went on I realized the biggest truth of my life. God is a god damn narcissist… And a hypocrite. I mean here’s a man who preaches love and yet causes wars in his name by telling everyone a different thing, creating confusion. He tells Christians about his friend Jesus but he tells Muslims about his friend Mohammad.
I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t blindly put my trust in someone who made me feel so guilty and so confused…
So I decided to pursue my happiness. I decided to be myself. I figured as long as I was a good person it wouldn’t matter. I freed myself of all those chains that kept me tied down for so long.
And that’s when the devil came for me. Trying to sway me to his side. (Laughs)
But then… he actually met me.
“You see,” I told her, “in the moment he met me, the devil was in awe of me. I had managed to break away. To breathe. All he was able to do was oppose god, and in doing so he lost himself. Ironically, in a sense, he became god’s mirror image. Still tied to him. Still obsessed with him. Opposite, but still the same none the less.”
I was different from the both of them. Not consumed by myself, and living my life on my own terms. I am everything the devil wanted to be. I’m everything the devil wishes he could be.
“So no I don’t worship the devil…..
…….But now the devil worships me.”
Sayli Natu, 8/14/19