You know, as I look around me… I’m starting to really feel that marriages are becoming a joke. Coming from a highly conservative individual like myself – me saying this may come as a surprise to everyone.
In an arranged marriage, parents look to match a boy and a girl on paper… but considering that people can’t be held accountable for their actions these days… it may be more important to match personalities, ideals, goals, and morals. Not morals of the family, but morals of the individual themselves… and yes there is a difference. For example, I knew of someone’s M-I-L who thought that bribing, threatening, and putting her D-I-L’s life in danger in addition to being a liar and cheating the system was perfectly okay to do so long as her goals were completed. The son didn’t think these actions were okay (but he also didn’t have the ability to think for himself).
In love marriages, the amount of time spent together, getting to know one another DOES make a difference. A couple months of togetherness before jumping into marriage is more likely than not a disaster waiting to happen… mostly when you don’t know what the other person’s intentions are towards you. Again I don’t think this was always a problem… I think it’s because over time people don’t feel the need to be held accountable for their actions anymore. When they do something wrong, they find a way to play victim.
A lot of people jump into marriage, (yes, I may also be guilty of this), without getting to know the other person, or their family well before doing so. There are basic assumptions made regarding the responsibilities of a husband and a wife in a marriage… and usually I’ll even go so far as to say for the most part they’re fulfilled… but where before – my parents, arranged, are living a blissful 30+ years together after 2 months of knowing each other – today people lie about who they are to score the spouse, and then end up being a completely different person all together, with completely different motives for the marriage.
As time passes, I’ve noticed around me – whether arranged marriage or love marriage (where boy and girl haven’t been together long) – there is an alarmingly increasing rate of individuals who feel that “marriage is forever” just because a contract is signed. This mentality is SO wrong. Marriage isn’t just a contract that once signed, you don’t have to make any efforts. Marriage is a contract that comes with terms and conditions – these terms and conditions are called Vows. Promises that a bride and groom make to one another on their wedding day – in a nutshell to love, protect, and provide for each other. And that love and responsibility needs to come from the heart – not just because a piece of paper was signed. Sure, an individual can make the promise to be faithful, and to take care of the needs of their spouse… but when the other spouse fails to care, return any love, and simply becomes a heavy burden – essentially does not uphold their end of the bargain – hasn’t the marriage contract also been broken? I see more pathetic women making this mistake, but there are still a handful of pathetic men as well. Marriages are not forever unless efforts are taken to make them LAST. Lying, cheating, and abuse aren’t the ONLY ways to break one’s vows (though they are very big reasons). Refusing to love your spouse, refusing to care for them, refusing to be there for them when they need you emotionally and mentally, creating problems and difficult situations for your spouse, prioritizing yourself to such an extent over your spouse that it puts your spouse in difficult positions, leeching financially off your spouse but refusing to contribute in any way (maybe not financially, but whatever way you can contribute in), wanting money but not wanting your spouse… these are all ways as well for your contract to be broken.
Marriages come with vows, not just of faithfulness, and honesty… but also with vows of partnership, a promise that you will make an equal effort to uphold the love in your marriage. No marriage is perfect, and there will always be conflict… but it’ll be okay so long as you both understand the bigger picture. The second you decide that you’re above the marriage law, and that you can sit on your fat ass and take your spouse for granted, watching them be your darling servant who makes all the efforts… don’t be surprised when you learn that they’re 1.) done with you 2.) have moved on. Neglect is also abuse, and abuse in any form is only tolerated for so long. If you can’t uphold your end of the bargain… there’s no reason for your spouse to.