In life we meet so many people. Some we befriend. Some remain strangers. Some become acquaintances who you don’t think of everyday but once in a blue moon when you cross paths you exchange a formal hello. Some people become enemies, folks from the get go you know are bad for you. Each of these people play a very distinct role in our lives, whether that role is to be remembered and learned from, or disregarded and forgotten, 99% of folks fall within a very straightforward set of rules and therefore the brain is able to make sense of why they came (and in some situations… went), and what role they play. We always know why they’re there, and for the ones we haven’t figured out yet we keep telling ourselves “there must be a reason why you’re here!”.
Then come the 1%. The confusing lot. The ones whose vibes connected with yours before they became any part of your life. The ones you can never erase from your mind after they make their exit… no matter how many years go by. The intensity of their frequency is high. They come into our lives strong like a whirlwind sweeping us off our feet. They’re exciting, they give us hope. They’re addicting. Words aren’t needed because unspoken cues say everything there is to say. Your body responds to their presence. What is this connection? Why does this connection exist?? No matter how much you try to push them out of your mind you can’t because your body quickly becomes addicted to their involvement in your life. And yet… why? Especially when there is no romantic future there. Or rather, perhaps there is a potential but it’s cancelled because of the rules we have set for ourselves. Or perhaps there really is no potential because we can’t control our hearts. But nevertheless, there is a connection, an inexplicable pull from another lifetime perhaps.
And then as abruptly as they swept into our lives, they go. Unable to deal with the intensity of the moments, or unable to accept the lack of potential, they leave never to be heard from again. Never to be seen again. And yet, they never leave your mind. Distract yourself as much as you try, but something or another from time to time will always trigger a memory of your encounters. 5 years later. 10 years later. I guess a lifetime later… you’ll always remember with as much intensity of feeling, and an equal amount of sorrow. Years later when they mean nothing anymore to your heart, the thought of them still brings about a heaviness on our chests and tears to our eyes.
And we wonder. Why did they come into our lives if all they were going to do eventually was leave. No mark left, no significant role played. What was the point of meeting them if the only outcome was going to be the pain of their departure. We keep thinking there would be something to it, but there isn’t.
Only silence.
And we wonder why such a friendship couldn’t thrive. Tainted by what emotions, did it have an expiration date? Especially when everyone knows friendships carry more love than romance ever could. And who will understand the burden of carrying such a love, knowing it’s not the kind of love desired in return, and along with it the pain of losing such a love…
With that I end with some lines I came across on social media that someone wrote to a Bollywood song that triggered a memory of someone’s memory of me in their now complete non-existence. The lines are a response to the original song, and as beautiful as they are, the pain they induced is very real thanks to the memories that flooded the gates behind which they were locked.
Najdikiya tu… samjha na yaara… gham to yahi hai… gham toh yahi hai
hai jo abhi ye… rishta hamara… pyar se badhkar mere liye hai
pyar hai junoon, dosti sakoon, hai ye keheti rahi
tune kyun na suna
Channa mereya mereya channa mereya mereya…
Addendum. And then I came up with my own lyrics in a language I don’t even speak (Hindi). Or rather… they came to me!
Agar hum kabhi… Milte nahi to
dard na hota Ye dard na hota
Yaadein teri, hoti nahi to
Dukh bhi na hota, ye dukh bhi na hota
Rehete ajanabee to ye… udasi nahi hoti
Teri kami se dil tutata nahi
Channa mereya mereya…
From a mind that spends a lot of time thinking... 