Clarity

Hello dear friends! It’s been a while! Though I have been busy with my little, I still have plenty of thoughts swimming around in this mind of mine.

Today I want to discuss clarity. Clarity in decisions, ethics, life.

So much of the world around us filled with people pleasing. Wondering if we are doing things right? Wondering what others will think of us. Many times people will go out of their way and put themselves in uncomfortable situations just to make other people happy. Why? Today a near and dear friend texted me on the side in response to a message I had sent in a group chat. She appreciated my clarity for myself, my life, my home. It gave me time on my drive back to think about it… and think I did cause that’s what I do!

To start with I’m an empath so it is generally hard to see my action affect others in a negative manner. But that being said the last 10 years have taught me that I also need to be empathetic towards myself. I don’t owe anyone but myself anything. If I’m not comfortable doing something, I don’t have to do it. And today I 100% live by this. But how did I get here?

Well I ask myself one question. “Do I really want to spend the remaining 50 years of my life like this?”. If the answer is no then I make it a point to change or stop what I am doing immediately. Remember, each action… each decision – it sets a precedent. If you do it once, people expect it to be the norm for you. If you are firm about not doing something – that also sets a precedent. People respect your decision and remember not to breech any set boundaries subsequently.

Ultimately it is your life. You have to live it on your terms and proudly. If you walk with confidence people will respect the decisions you make for yourself.

Another aspect comes in relationships. Especially in those early stages where we are so worried about losing the other person that we bend to the societal norms of what’s too fast/slow but don’t put forward our requirements. Why aren’t we giving ourselves equal importance? If I need something I’m going to ask for it, and if the person I’m in a relationship with happily provides it, then they are worthy of my time and all the effort I’m putting into it. But for that to happen one needs to have clarity about their end goal. Are you just looking for a situationship (new word I learned!) or are you looking for a more committed long term arrangement? Marriage? Kids? Why waste time with someone who doesn’t have the same end goal in mind? With clarity then you’re not stuck wondering and you’re spending more time safe, secure, and enjoying. But for that you have to be ready to accept that all the wrong people will walk away before the right person comes along!

This got me thinking about clarity in daily interactions. Who we want to invite into our personal space and who we don’t. I am generally a very friendly person. Very open very welcoming, but this past year has been filled with very jolting experiences. Not everyone is a good person. They may not be bad, but I’ve realized that just cause someone isn’t outright bad doesn’t mean they’re always good. There are people who care, and then there are people who pretend to care. Not everyone has to be welcomed with warmth and grace and loyalty. And perhaps at this point I’ve reached a spot where I have decided that it’s ok to be choosy about who I want to entertain and who is kept an arms length away. I don’t have to accept anything that is intolerable to me. To each their own, I can respect an individual’s liberty to make decisions for their own lives… but I don’t have to invite those decisions into my own life.

Finally I also thought about making decisions based on what other people want you to do. So many times we postpone our lives and major life events cause someone else’s this or that will get in the way. I realized this is unhealthy. There are aspects of life and time that will never come back once that time is gone so it makes no sense to lose time. With all due respect it does not matter what mom or dad or siblings or friends or elders or anyone says. Sure their advise should be considered but you have to decide if that advise makes sense for you and your dreams. Certain things have to be done timely. They have to be done on your own time.

Ultimately all these things come down to one thing. It’s my life. They’re my boundaries and I get to choose who I cross those boundaries for. I get to chose what precedent to set, and what interactions to have. And if someone isn’t happy with them… then it’s not too bad for me! It’s too bad for them.

Our lives are our lives and we should only be living them by the rules and values we set for ourselves ❤️