Month: November 2024

Superficial world

Posted on by Sayli Natu

All around me are familiar faces, worn out places… worn out faces… [-Tears for Fears]

What a superficial world this is. Ironically, filled with the deepest emotions. Deepest feelings in each and every one of us… and yet…

Tears are filling up their glasses… No expression. No expression.

We each exist. We each feel. We all desire. Acceptance. Love. Happiness. And yet most are incapable of giving it. We are judgmental. We are filled with internal conflict and surrounded by external conflict. We never know when the other shoe is going to drop. We never know when we ourselves are going to drop the other shoe.

So few people on this planet, are actually in touch with their inner emotions and capable of expression. So few people have the ability to take a moment to feel. Too many people stuck in cycles.

Too many people… running in circles in this very very…

I sit back and think about all the people who have ever meant anything to me. Close friends. Loves. Family. How is it possible, I wonder, to care for anyone so deeply at any point in our lives to then at another point, even in the absence of conflict, just think nothing of them?

The past few days I’ve been ruminating on the present day absence of previously close friendships that seemingly ceased without any rhyme or reason. No negativity, just a simple non-existence. It’s understandable after all when a really bad reason ends an interaction… but in these situations? Why were those journeys together in life limited? How is it that such frequently colorful conversations today are non-existent or dry at best? Are there really no words to exchange besides superficial hellos and a handful of emojis? Are we really not capable of withstanding differing views? Are we really not capable of valuing a person beyond their fulfillment of our own needs.

Am I the only person on this planet who thinks about these things from time to time?

Am I the only person who sits here missing the people I valued so deeply in my life. In return what even were our interactions? Did they mean anything. Were they just fluff.

Does no one actually know me? Do they look right through me [my soul]?

Time and time again I have noticed how a large chunk of the world is actually incapable of feeling and thinking so deeply about things. They experience sadness, and anger, and happiness, and other emotions but these emotions are experienced so fleetingly. There is no anticipation and there is no recall. There is no understanding or empathizing with others. Just the self.

How I wish I was such a person too. But alas, I fall in the minority. Frequently thinking about places, times, people. Wondering if they remember me too. Knowing they likely don’t. Wondering what would have made things different. I deeply miss those missing from my life today despite knowing I’m not even a thought in return.

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take

It’s a very very….

Mad World.

It’s one of my most favorite songs by the way. I wish there were more verses. Someone should write more verses.

Clarity

Posted on by Sayli Natu

Hello dear friends! It’s been a while! Though I have been busy with my little, I still have plenty of thoughts swimming around in this mind of mine.

Today I want to discuss clarity. Clarity in decisions, ethics, life.

So much of the world around us filled with people pleasing. Wondering if we are doing things right? Wondering what others will think of us. Many times people will go out of their way and put themselves in uncomfortable situations just to make other people happy. Why? Today a near and dear friend texted me on the side in response to a message I had sent in a group chat. She appreciated my clarity for myself, my life, my home. It gave me time on my drive back to think about it… and think I did cause that’s what I do!

To start with I’m an empath so it is generally hard to see my action affect others in a negative manner. But that being said the last 10 years have taught me that I also need to be empathetic towards myself. I don’t owe anyone but myself anything. If I’m not comfortable doing something, I don’t have to do it. And today I 100% live by this. But how did I get here?

Well I ask myself one question. “Do I really want to spend the remaining 50 years of my life like this?”. If the answer is no then I make it a point to change or stop what I am doing immediately. Remember, each action… each decision – it sets a precedent. If you do it once, people expect it to be the norm for you. If you are firm about not doing something – that also sets a precedent. People respect your decision and remember not to breech any set boundaries subsequently.

Ultimately it is your life. You have to live it on your terms and proudly. If you walk with confidence people will respect the decisions you make for yourself.

Another aspect comes in relationships. Especially in those early stages where we are so worried about losing the other person that we bend to the societal norms of what’s too fast/slow but don’t put forward our requirements. Why aren’t we giving ourselves equal importance? If I need something I’m going to ask for it, and if the person I’m in a relationship with happily provides it, then they are worthy of my time and all the effort I’m putting into it. But for that to happen one needs to have clarity about their end goal. Are you just looking for a situationship (new word I learned!) or are you looking for a more committed long term arrangement? Marriage? Kids? Why waste time with someone who doesn’t have the same end goal in mind? With clarity then you’re not stuck wondering and you’re spending more time safe, secure, and enjoying. But for that you have to be ready to accept that all the wrong people will walk away before the right person comes along!

This got me thinking about clarity in daily interactions. Who we want to invite into our personal space and who we don’t. I am generally a very friendly person. Very open very welcoming, but this past year has been filled with very jolting experiences. Not everyone is a good person. They may not be bad, but I’ve realized that just cause someone isn’t outright bad doesn’t mean they’re always good. There are people who care, and then there are people who pretend to care. Not everyone has to be welcomed with warmth and grace and loyalty. And perhaps at this point I’ve reached a spot where I have decided that it’s ok to be choosy about who I want to entertain and who is kept an arms length away. I don’t have to accept anything that is intolerable to me. To each their own, I can respect an individual’s liberty to make decisions for their own lives… but I don’t have to invite those decisions into my own life.

Finally I also thought about making decisions based on what other people want you to do. So many times we postpone our lives and major life events cause someone else’s this or that will get in the way. I realized this is unhealthy. There are aspects of life and time that will never come back once that time is gone so it makes no sense to lose time. With all due respect it does not matter what mom or dad or siblings or friends or elders or anyone says. Sure their advise should be considered but you have to decide if that advise makes sense for you and your dreams. Certain things have to be done timely. They have to be done on your own time.

Ultimately all these things come down to one thing. It’s my life. They’re my boundaries and I get to choose who I cross those boundaries for. I get to chose what precedent to set, and what interactions to have. And if someone isn’t happy with them… then it’s not too bad for me! It’s too bad for them.

Our lives are our lives and we should only be living them by the rules and values we set for ourselves ❤️